fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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