Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
