whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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