ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
