you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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