I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
