Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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