Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
