my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
