yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
