is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
