After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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