I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You know, be my cock's hype man.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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