break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
