I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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