why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
