In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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