Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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