btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
