she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
someone owes me an orgasm
i will never coherently bang her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am one with the molecules
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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