I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
