I'm jealous of your bromance
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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