How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
