You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
