Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
