The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
