did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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