It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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