Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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