TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
