It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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