Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
