apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
