i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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