I think my vagina is haunted
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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