Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
