I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
