Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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