I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Randomize
