my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
