Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
