Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
