Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
