Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
