That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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