I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Holy sore nipples Batman
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
