it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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