I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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