Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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