someone get that fucking seahorse.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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