Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
