we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
