She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
