he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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