Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important