i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.