I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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