he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
