Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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