There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize