just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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