Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
